Coming Out of the Shadows

For any of you who still happen to read this blog, I have not fallen off the face of the earth (even though it may appear as if I have). I've been quiet here and in other areas of my life mainly because I got lazy and settled for the ho hum of daily life. I wish I could say that there was some noble cause that kept me from blogging, but that isn't the case.

I can tell you, however, that in the last week or so I have taken steps to get myself out of my laziness and engaged in my relationship with God and with myself. More about that in a later post. For now, I just want to share with you a prayer that a friend emailed me this morning that stopped me right in my tracks. It spoke what I've been feeling so well. I hope that this may encourage some of you to re-engage in your walk with God.

The prayer is this:

"Lord, please help me stir up my desire to make significant changes in my life. I am so sorry for the times I've allowed complacency to keep me stuck in the same ol' place for such a long time. I want to change. I want to grow. I want to be different. I am asking You to supernaturally fill me with so much desire that no power on earth and no force in hell can stop me from becoming everything You want me to be! I pray this in Jesus' name!"

I have been so focused on just getting through the day to day that I have neglected my relationship with God, my relationship with my partner, and my relationships with my friends. I'm tired of just making it through the day. I'm tired of just doing the bare minimum to get by. I'm tired of being stagnant and luke warm. I'm just tired!

I feel like I'm on the verge of a new breakthrough in my relationship with God as well as with my partner. I can't wait to see what the future holds, and I can't wait to share that with you (if anyone is still reading this...lol).

So here's to fresh starts. Won't you take one with me?

I wanted to share this with you...

For those of you who do not frequent Anita's blog, I wanted to share this with you. She put a lot of time and prayer into this, and it blessed me. I hope you are as blessed as I was.

Communion

Thank you Anita for all you do to spread God's love and light to all of us!

We're Married!

Here are a few pictures from our ceremony that I wanted to share. We were fortunate enough to be able to have our ceremony outside, because the weather was absolutely beautiful. After the ceremony, we went to a beach a few miles down the road to take some more pictures. The umbrella was a total spur of the moment idea. One of our friends that came with us spotted it and decided we had to use it as a prop in a few pictures. How fitting for a rainbow umbrella at a lesbian wedding? ;)

We shared this with a few of our friends locally, but are planning on a larger celebration with friends and family this time next year on our one year anniversary. We are so fortunate to live in a state that will recognize legal marriages from neighboring states, and that Mary's job offers same sex partner benefits. Since I'm still job hunting, that is a huge blessing! We have some other pictures with the umbrella, but both of us were laughing too much. We did have one friend with us who was straight, and we made her take pictures with the umbrella as well. She was such a good sport and went along with our silliness.

This was taken at a beach a few miles from where we live and is one of my more favorite pictures of the two of us.

Excitement in the air

Today, Mary and I are getting LEGALLY married! :) It will be just a very simple service with a JP and three of our neighbors, but we are very excited. I still can't believe that I'll be a married woman in just a few short hours! Wooohoooo!! We are planning a bigger celebration this time next year with friends and family back down south. I can't believe that God has blessed me with such an incredible partner and friend in Mary. I am so blessed to be able to share the rest of my life with her.

Ok...off to go get ready for the ceremony. I can't seem to get this big goofy grin off of my face today. I'll post some pictures when we get back.

Snow in Alabama

I took this from my bedroom window (only way I could get close enough to them without them flying away. I bet we had 10 red birds in this tree this morning.

By Your Side

I've heard this song on the radio a lot lately, and thought I'd share it here. I really stopped and listened to the words a few days ago and was just blown away. Hope you find some encouragement in it like I have.

Change it is a comin'

In a little over a month, my life is going to change dramatically. I will be moving several states away to begin my life with my wonderful partner, M. I am both extremely excited and scared out of my mind. I know that this is only the beginning for us, and that we have a lifetime of adventures to look forward to. Leaving behind what is comfortable and familiar is pretty scary though. Change, good or bad, is always a bit scary for me - and for most of us I think.

My location and marital status are not the only things changing at the moment. I'm beginning to sense a shift in my thinking and feeling towards a certain troubled relationship in my life. For months, I've been carrying around all of this bitterness and anger and hurt not really knowing how to put it down (or really wanting to for that matter). But God has a sense of humor. You did know that right? I was at a women's conference this past weekend at my church and heard a very good analogy that I want to share. This woman was sharing part of her journey with the rest of us and started talking about bitterness and anger she felt towards someone who had hurt her deeply. God used a pooper scooper (the big kind used to muck out horse stalls) and horse poo to teach her a valuable lesson. She told us that bitterness and anger tend to pile up in our hearts and souls like poo does in a barn. If it's not scooped out on a regular basis...well you get my drift. She told us that we have to work on scooping the poo out of our hearts and minds one scoop at a time. As we scoop, we lay it at the foot of the cross. What a concept. I didn't have to hold on to all of this anger and hurt and bitterness in order to be validated. (You see I think I had this weird notion that if I let go of it, that it would mean that the hurt didn't happen.) God wants to clean out the ugly, smelly parts of my heart. He wants me to trust him enough to hand over the messes of my life and leave them in his hands. Why is it that I fight that? Why is it that I doubt that God's grace is sufficient for me and that his power is made perfect in my weakness? (2 Cor. 12:9)

I'm choosing to begin to trust God with the broken places in my life. Sometimes on a minute by minute basis, won't you join me? Are there places in your heart and life that you're afraid to trust God with? I'm learning that we have a God that loves us beyond our wildest imaginations and is most definitely trustworthy! Trusting for me is not easy...but it's definitely worth the risk.